Dads, you have been warned -- skimping on Mother’s Day gifts could lead to your wives stepping out on you, a new survey has found.
It's too bad the Monday Mix falls on National Infidelity Day, as perhaps some of you gentlemen out there could have used the relationship coaching skills I am providing free of charge in today's Monday Mix.
I'd save this article as a reminder for next year, if it isn't in fact, too late.
FACT: The Monday morning after Mother’s Day has become a new membership bonanza for AshleyMadison.com, the controversial extramarital dating website that boasts more than nine million female members.
And most of the new members are married moms, the website claims.
On a typical Monday, roughly 3,000 women, both married and unmarried, will join the site that helps them launch adulterous affairs.
Like clockwork, at least for the last three years, about 30,000 women sign on as new members the day after Mother’s Day — and more than 74 percent of those new members are moms with young daughters, website officials have proclaimed. It is the second busiest day for new enrollments for the extramarital hook-up site.
Last year, nearly 300,000 married women admitted to cheating on their husbands through dating sites like AshleyMadison.com.
Naturally, Ashley Madison's busiest day is the day after Valentine's Day.
Noel Biderman, founder of AshleyMadison.com, confirms the staggering numbers. "I think this is due to the simple fact that, for many women, Mother's Day is the barometer of how her family and partner feel about her. That is not to say that all women are expecting to be lavished with expensive gifts, but they are expecting to be adored, and lavished with love, gratitude and respect," Biderman says. "If Mother's Day, like so many other days, is once again hollow and absent of [positive] reinforcement, is it any wonder that [those moms] end up in the arms of another?"
I hope you didn't think that new vacuum cleaner or satellite weather radio was REALLY a good idea.
Breakfast in bed and a card with a few nice words would have been better.
And if you did the dinner and drinks thing, I hope you remembered to make the conversation about her without being self-absorbed in your own agenda.
For some guys, simply abstaining from online porn for the day would be a significant step. Your wife knows......don't think she doesn't.
She does. Oh yes, she does.
Alas, I pray your gift didn't land on the following list of worst possible Mother's Day gifts:
The idea of brightening up the commode with a gold-plated toilet brush or beautiful new soap dish is all well and good, but if your gift comes in one of the small Bed, Bath and Beyond boxes, she's gonna look at it and think one thing: bullshit.
A Gift Certificate
"Dear Loving Wife and Mother of My Children, I just couldn't be bothered to put any effort into thinking about what you might want, so, yeah, here's this."
Anything of the Month Club
Not exclusively a bad Mother's Day gift. Unless it is a vacation-of-the-month club, this is the kind of monumentally awful gift that can ruin any special occasion.
Lunch at Any Restaurant Chain
While Hooter's and the local Pizza Hut are time-honored institutions, your special someone will be intricately planning her morning tryst while she smiles back at you over your pitcher of beer and your buffalo sauce smothered lips. Wipe your cheek. Shame on you.
A Gym Membership
Your wife passes as many health clubs as you do every single day. So if she hasn't signed up for any of them yet, she's not looking for a reminder from you that she needs to get in shape.
Gifts That Work:
- Egyptian Cotton Sheets
- Breakfast In Bed
- A Romantic Weekend Getaway to a secluded spot
- Champagne Brunch
- A Night Of Drinks and Dancing
- A Spa Day
- Your Undivided Attention
Divorce lawyer Laurie Puhn told CNN if a man ignores Mother's Day, he generally isn't showing appreciation on a daily basis.
"If you're not [your wife's] cheerleader, she will find someone who will cheerlead for her," she said. "You have to compliment and appreciate your spouse. If you don't do that, then there's going to be a job opening."
And somebody else will fulfill the necessary requirements.
P.S. - Don't go to Ashley Madison - you may find a photo of your wife and some random quotes from [Escape] The Pina Colada Song by Rupert Holmes.
Heck don't even Google your wife's name.
Because if Ashley Madison + Your Wife collide in the same search engine result, it would really suck to be you.
I DON'T HAVE A MOM:
So I adopted Shirley Partridge as my honorary mom for Mother's Day yesterday. She seems like a cool mom on the surface, and heck, she not only let her kids start a rock band, she actually joined them AND drove the tour bus. The Partridge Family are America's original garage band. To honor Ms. Partridge, we've included two Partridge Family songs in today's Monday Mix. Come on......get happy.
Bizarre facts for $1000 Alex: I Think I Love You by The Partridge Family and Let It Be by The Beatles were both released on the same day in 1970. Which song do you think was the first to five million in sales? Give yourself a high five and a guest appearance on Jeopardy if your answer was "What is I Think I Love You."
THIS WEEK'S NEW FACEBOOK FRIEND:
Meet Erin Ivey. She has an amazing voice, one in fact that will simultaneously knock you off your feet and sweep you off your feet. That's saying something.
We're kicking off today's Monday Mix with her song Sorrow No More which is stunningly beautiful. Last week we gave away ten copies of this song via Facebook. All ten were scooped up immediately, we purchased them as iTunes downloads and sent them via iTunes Gift protocol.
We've also added Sorrow No More into regular rotation.
Erin Ivey is Austin's urban folk darling. Known for musical adventurousness, Erin's latest album Broken Gold is a fan-funded, critically-acclaimed collaboration with R&B/dub organ trio The Finest Kind.
In a few short years, Erin has played more than 300 live shows nationwide, garnered a shoutout from Hollywood gossip maven Perez Hilton, and been named one of Austin's top independent artists.
Austin locals will also recognize her from the infectious Take Me to Reids TV and radio ad campaign, the cover of Austin Monthly magazine's Most Beautiful Women issue, and her Live at The Long Center performance broadcast on Music Entertainment TV. In the words of others:
- "I would kill for a purr like that." - Luciana Lopez, The Oregonian
- "So endearing and warm you want to go back for seconds." - Perez Hilton
- "Ivey's adventurousness stands out in a town saturated with singer-songwriters." - Jim Caligiuri, Austin Chronicle.
To give her a Facebook Like simply go to her Facebook page and, you know, hit the Like button. Life couldn't be any easier than that. She will not be under the assumption that I referred you, so maybe post a comment to her wall indicating that Michael from Jivewired.com sent you over. It's all about networking after all, which is why Facebook fancies itself as The Social Network.
So please do that for me..... If that's not too much trouble.
Here is her Facebook link: http://facebook.com/ErinIveyMusicPage
ABOUT THE MONDAY MIX:
The Monday Mix airs from 12:30PM to 5:00PM CDT each Monday and is designed to help you get through that brutal after-lunch, energy-sucking span that kicks off every work week. This particular show will be a mix of old, deep album cuts and new indie music with a lot of genre crossover. No Adele. Sorry.
What else does The Monday Mix do? Well, it helps you discover new indie music by combining some really great under the radar tracks with more established songs that were, once in fact, under the radar as well. The hope here is that the culture shock of discovering your next favorite band won't be so enormously imposing if we surround the new stuff with some of your old, familiar friends.
Jivewired supports independent musicians by paying royalties for airplay on Jivewired Radio. Please help us support indie artists by listening to our station and by purchasing indie music. Thank you.
The links on the radio player will give you download options if you really dig on the music and some of the songs are offered for free.
To listen, just press play on the radio widget to the right or use this link to open in a new window that will allow you to listen when you navigate away from this page:
Launch Jivewired Radio
MONDAY MIX PLAYLIST FOR 14 MAY 2012
001. Sorrow No More by Erin Ivey & The Finest Kind
002. The Same Thing by Cass McCombs
003. Together We're Better by The Partridge Family
004. Where You Go by Bahamas
005. Lay Back Down by Eric Lindell
006. Say Goodbye by Amos Lee
007. Gon' To Lay You Down by Wink Burcham
008. Hold On by Alabama Shakes
009. Look The Other Way by Justin Townes Earle
010. Weekend by Class Actress
011. Serpents by Sharon Van Etten
012. You + Me + Alcohol by Allison Weiss
013. Yabba by Anton Mink
014. Protocol by Gift Of Gab
015. Bright Lights Bigger City by Cee Lo Green
016. Sex-O-Matic Venus Freak by Macy Gray
017. Spoon by Cibo Matto
018. Sugar Daddy by Hedwig & The Angry Inch
019. I Am Yours by Dr. Pants
020. Ladies Of The World by Flight Of The Conchords
021. Betty Wang by Hospitality
022. Old Friend by Cavemen
023. Aim For The Heart by Ruthie Foster
024. Human Condition by Joan As Police Woman
025. Without You by Jesse Aycock
026. Oh So Blue by Beau Roberson of Pilgrim
027. Stay Useless by Cloud Nothings
028. Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye feat. Kimbra
029. Norway by Beach House
030. Amor Fati by Washed Out
031. Heartbreaker by Girls
032. Parted Ways by Heartless Bastards
033. Usual Suspects by Ha Ha Tonka
034. These Days by Foo Fighters
035. I Got Some Devil by The Paul Benjaman Band
036. Take Me With You When You Go by Jack White
037. Shine by Star Anna & The Laughing Dogs
038. Haunted Heart by Little Hurricane
039. Sex On The Regular by Miniature Tigers
040. You Don't Exist If I Don't See You by Reverie Sound Review
041. Mother & Child Reunion by Paul Simon
042. Gettin' Tired by Shannon Labrie
043. Stranded In Your Love by Sharon Jones & Lee Fields
044. Naked As We Came by Iron & Wine
045. Jaded by Maggi, Pierce and E.J.
046. Can't Change Me by Lydia Loveless
047. 86 Me by The Wanton Looks
048. Dirty Sex by The Bloody Hollies
049. Sugar Never Tasted So Good by The White Stripes
050. All I Want Is You by The Wanton Looks
051. Airline To Heaven [Live] by Wilco
052. Voodoo Woman [Live] by Susan Tedeschi
053. Tramp Stamp by Wally Dogger
054. Jagged by Old 97's
055. Bad News by Whitey Morgan and The 78's
056. You Can't Do Me by Madeleine Peyroux
057. Old Enough by Rickie Lee Jones & Ben Harper
058. Hard To Save by Shannon Wurst
059. What It's Like by Laura Marie
060. Dangling Teeth by Kelli Scarr
061. Night Life by The Little Willies
062. Laundry Room by Avett Brothers
063. In A Daydream by The Freddy Jones Band
064. September by Modern Rock Diaries
065. Traveling Coat by The Nghiems
066. I Woke Up In Love This Morning by The Partridge Family
067. So Long by Thieving Irons
068. Sleep Forever by Portugal. The Man
069. Little Lilly by Widespread Panic
VIDEO OF THE DAY:
Parted Ways by Heartless Bastards